Gordon Brown today sensationally handed in his notice as Prime Minister, telling his Labour party colleagues he’ll be pretty much done with everything by 6th of May this year.
However, in order to secure his contractually entitled payout, Brown can not openly resign his position as Prime Minister, and will instead use his last four weeks to suggest a number of extremely unpopular policies whilst continuing to make an idiot of himself in public.
As one Labour insider explained, “Anyone who has ever tried to claim a benefit from the Government after voluntarily leaving your job know full well it reduces your entitlements to zero.”
“So obviously he’s going to go through the motions of pretending to fight this election. At least in front of the cameras.”
“We all know that secretly he can’t wait to get out of there. He’s already packed by all accounts.”
Brown this morning visited the Queen to show her the holiday brochures from which he will choose his holiday destination from 7th May, and to ask if she had been anywhere nice recently.
Then he’ll return to number 10 to make further plans on how to ruin the property for the Camerons.
“He’s already suggested sewing fish into the curtain linings,” continued the Labour source.
“Gordon finds it hilarious to think that when David is looking for the source of the smell whilst trying to reduce the deficit, he’ll be sat on a beach somewhere reading Harry Potter books.”
“Anyway, I must go – we have a strategy meeting shortly to discuss ways Gordon can make a child cry on camera before getting booed at a so-called supporters rally.”