Tuesday 30 March 2010

Everyone else is wrong about everything, insist prospective chancellors


Chancellor Alistair Darling has clashed with his Conservative and Lib Dem counterparts in a live TV debate over who is the least wrong about everything.

In a series of responses to questions about tax, National Insurance and the economy each respondent gave a number of articulate reasons as to why they are apparently correct, before being told they are definitely wrong by the following respondent.

“It became quite predictable after a while,” said viewer Tony Gormley of Basingstoke.

“One of the main ones would explain why they were definitely right about something, before the other main one would explain why they are absolutely wrong about it.”

“Then the funny looking chap in the middle would explain why they are both wrong, before the two either side of him would make it clear that it really didn’t matter what the one in the middle said.”

“It was a bit like watching Trisha, but with with people who went to public school.”

Juvenile

There were a number of revelations, with Labour announcing a backtrack on the proposed ‘death tax’, and the conservatives looking to reverse the planned increase in National Insurance – all of which was completely ignored by the majority of the electorate.

Mr Gormley continued, “At one point I think the main one on the right accused the main one on the left of nicking one his ideas, or his homework, or something.  That was quite good.  I honestly expected him to call a teacher about it.”

“I think the decision I’m going to have to make, is to decide which one I think lies the least – which is tough, because they obviously can’t all be right, which means the others are either idiots, or liars.  It’s a tough one.”

“But overall, I think my impressions are that the main one on the right should wear less make-up, and the main one on the left should get some glasses that actually fit his head.”

“The one in the middle?  Right, what is it that he does again?”

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