Wednesday 24 March 2010

Welsh perverts seeking new excuses to buy electric shock collars


Sexual deviants in Wales are today looking for new excuses to buy electric collars, after Wales became the first part of the country to ban their use on cats and dogs.

The collars are sometimes used to train dogs and cats by giving an electric shock when the animal is deemed to have behaved badly, but they are mostly used in sexual role play by thrill-seeking perverts.

As one disappointed Welsh deviant told reporters, “There’s nothing like sitting in front of the computer with your cock in your hand whilst your ‘handler’ administers some serious voltage directly to your throat.”

“So It’s a set-back, definitely – but it’s not like they banned them altogether is it.”

“Hang on, it’s still legal to use them on sheep and off-duty postmen, right?”

Banned

The Electronic Collar Manufacturers’ Association explained that this was terrible news for shy perverts, may of whom may feel intimidated about openly purchasing a device so clearly designed for their own sexual gratification.

Their spokesperson explained, “For years perverts have been able to try on these collars in pet shops by explaining that their dog couldn’t come to the shop but ‘it is ok because he has exactly the same size neck as me’, but now those days are gone.”

“I suppose the Government will be telling us we can only have missionary sex with one person at a time next?”

“We feel that our customers should be able to get as freaky as they like in their own home, whilst simultaneously maintaining an elaborate façade that their purchases have something to do with pet obedience.”

“We sell a half a million of these devices a year, but in Wales there are only a hundred thousand dogs.  You do the maths – that’s an awful lot of unhappy perverts you’ve just created.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: