Tuesday 23 March 2010

Letting teenagers lie-in makes school mornings more pleasant


A school that has allowed its pupils to start the day an hour later at 10am says it has seen an improvement in how pleasant the school is for everybody else at 9am.

At Monkseaton High School, in North Tyneside, 800 pupils aged 13-19 have started lessons at 10am since October, ensuring everyone else can have an enjoyable start to the day devoid of swearing, sulking and spitting.

A Local Education Authority spokesperson explained, “It’s something we’d never considered, but it makes perfect sense when you think about it.”

“Take the one thing that makes this job a nightmare – the students – and have them come in for a much smaller amount of time.”

“It’s a solution that was right there in front of us, but for some reason we never saw it through all the drug use, teenage pregnancy and fighting.”

Happy

Head teacher Paul Kelley said that changing the school day has helped towards creating “happier, less suicidal teachers – which can only be a good thing.”

“The question is, are other schools facing the reality that modern teenagers are generally despicable shits that nobody in their right mind would want to spend all day with?”

“I don’t think they are, but it’s an issue we faced head on, and morale among the teachers has never been higher. We’re getting job applications from across the country.”

“We also have a pilot programme underway where any child who dyes their hair black can only come in on Wednesday afternoons, and it seems to be reaping huge dividends.”

“I even heard Mr Jones – the head of Geography – whistling in the corridor this morning, whistling for fucks sake!”

“It’s the future of education, I guarantee it.”

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