Monday 22 March 2010

Stephen Byers secretly filmed trying to make himself sound important


The Conservatives are seeking an investigation into ex-transport secretary Stephen Byers after he was secretly filmed trying to make himself sound like an important part of the Government.

Byers, who is to stand down from his position somewhere on the backbenches at this year’s election, was secretly filmed explaining that he knows lots of important people, and has been inside number 10 a number of times, even using its toilet facilities more than once.

He is also seen to be showing the fake lobbyist his mobile phone, which he claims has the direct line of someone who sits just three offices down from Gordon Brown’s assistant.

The operation was part of a sting following rumours that Byers had been claiming he actually does more than just listen to the moans of old Geordie women in his Tyneside constituency before taking the odd nap in the House of Commons.

The journalist who secretly recorded him said the operation had been a huge success, “We even caught him claiming to be on first name terms with the people who sit in the row behind the Prime Minister in the Commons, the deceitful little weasel.”

“I hope he realises that impersonating an important member of her Majesty’s Government is a serious offence, and I will be passing my evidence to the police.”

Denial

The Labour party have been quick to play down the incident, insisting it has been blown out of all proportion.

A spokesperson for number 10 explained to reporters, “Let’s be clear, Stephen Byers barely has enough influence to order stationary. And even then he has to get someone else to sign the purchase order for him.”

“Stephen’s claims were vastly exaggerated, in fact, I’m pretty sure he was probably just trying to get laid or something.”

“I can’t blame him really, being a lowly back-bencher for a region in the far north of the country is about as unimportant as you can get whilst still ‘technically’ being an MP.”

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