Monday 22 March 2010

B&B owner defends right to listen only to straight couples having sex


A gay couple were turned away from a Berkshire guest house by the owner who has insisted it is her right to ensure she only listens to the sex noises of rutting heterosexuals.

Guest house owner Susanne Wilkinson refused to let Michael Black and John Morgan stay on Friday night, insisting that a gay couple in the house would ruin her efforts to enjoy an evening spent listening only to fornicating straight people.

Mrs Wilkinson explained, “I’m not a hotel, I’m a guest house, with really thin walls, and a bit of a thing for listening to couples when they’re ‘at it’.”

“So I don’t see why the Government should be able to make laws about the type of people I listen to having sex when they’re in my own home.  It’s just not right.”

“I don’t want to hear gay men doing gay things under my sheets – it’s my long held belief that if you’re going to listen to couples having sex, then there should be at least one vagina involved.”

“Which is sort of what it says in the Bible, right?”

Happy

Other guests at Mrs Wilkinson B&B have jumped to her defence, saying they are perfectly happy with her unique brand of voyeuristic hospitality.

Dave and Sheila Cribbins told us, “We stay here every couple of months, and I know that if we’re particularly noisy the night before, she’ll give me a wink and an extra rasher with my breakfast.”

“Though I am quite surprised that she said only wants to hear her guests having sex when there’s a vagina involved.”

“In fact, I guess that mean the joke’s on her, because whenever we stay there we only ever do anal.”

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