Tuesday 16 March 2010

Manchester sports fans encouraged to wank into a cup for a change


Sports players and fans in the Manchester area are being encouraged to wank into a cup for a change as part of a campaign to get more sperm donors to help couples struggling to conceive.

The National Gamete Donation Trust wants to increase new donors, after numbers fell in the UK following legislation allowing children to find the man who wanked into their cup once they become eighteen.

Laura Witjens, chairwoman of the National Gamete Donation Trust, told reporters, “We wanted to pilot the scheme in an area well known for its high proportion of wankers, and so what better place than Manchester?”

“It’s an untapped market, in every sense of the word, and we’re confident the programme will be a success.”

“Even our most conservative forecasts predict that we’ll be swimming in donations within a week, figuratively speaking of course.”

Unhappy

Not everyone is happy with the campaign, with many young adults – themselves the result of sperm donations – left concerned that the programme will lead to significant heartache in about eighteen years and nine months time.

One told us, “I’m all for helping childless couples, but can you imaging the horror of finding out your biological father was a Manchester United supporter?”

“It would be a bit like that scene between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi.”

“Except with significantly less light-sabers and much more crying and tearing at your own skin.”

“No, no, this is a terrible, terrible idea.”

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