As public concern rises over the price of a litre of petrol reaching a record £1.20, petrol companies have suggested that maybe consumers would like to fill their cars up with something else, instead.
Despite the price of a barrel of oil being $80 – almost half of its 2008 high – petrol is creeping towards its highest ever price in the UK, prompting accusations of ‘goddamn mother-fucking daylight robbery’ among petrol companies.
A BP spokesperson explained, “We live in a society of free choice, where you can choose to fill your car up with our petrol, or, if you choose to do so, tap water. It is entirely up to you.”
“That’s the beauty of a capitalist economy, if we weren’t supplying you with a product or service you were really happy with, we’d soon go bust.”
“The price is a reflection of just how happy you must all be with what we do. I can literally sense your smiling faces from here.”
“But there is no need to thank us, we get more than enough thanks in the form of huge salaries, massive bonuses, and the sort of perks that would literally make you vomit.”
Critics of the pricing strategy have suggested that the petrol companies are holding the public to ransom in a sort of out of kilter ‘steal from the poor and keep for yourself’ Robin Hood way.
“That’s rubbish, we’re not holding you to ransom. It’s your bosses that are doing that. If you chose not to buy our petrol and therefore not drive to work then we’d have one less champagne cocktail – but he’ll fire you.”
“So when you think about it, which is worse, really.”
“Plus, you know, I’m pretty sure high prices help the environment and that. Don’t they?”