Wednesday 10 March 2010

Learner drivers to be told being hit by a train is a ‘bad thing’


The driving test should have compulsory questions on the basic laws of physics, and the effects of banging a rapidly-moving metallic train into your Vauxhall Corsa, Network Rail has said.

The call has come following a report which showed that last year there were over 3,200 incidents of people being pretty sure the barriers and flashing lights in front of the tracks were nothing more than a pretty display for their entertainment.

Network Rail chief executive Iain Coucher said driving instructors need to spend more time stating the bleeding obvious for fifteen pounds an hour in order to protect society’s idiots.

“For some unfathomable reason, it appears that some people don’t understand what happens when a train hits a car, and we feel it is the responsibility of the driving instructor to ensure they know it’s bad, very, very bad.”

“Maybe they could use some pictures, or just stick to really small words?”

Obvious

Critics of the plan have said that the current system seems to work just fine, and it’s not like we’ve lost the potential cure for cancer in one of these accidents, is it.

One said, “If the thought of getting hit by a train isn’t a sufficient deterrent, then I’m not really sure a safety lesson from a middle-aged driving instructor with food on his tie is going to make much of a difference.”

“I actually like to think of these accidents as a perfect example of Darwinian natural selection in action.”

“In fact, I’d like the signs at level crossings to say, ‘If you think ignoring these flashing lights and driving round this barrier when there is a large train coming is a good idea, then please go right ahead’.”  ”

“Sure, there’d be a few more train delays in the short term, but imagine the long-term benefits to society.”

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