Tuesday 9 March 2010 From the pages of the Irish Sentinel

Chatroulette takes on YouTube in cretinous comments battle


The Internet was last night preparing itself for an epic battle of halfwits as two of the web’s biggest sites went to war with tech analysts suggesting the scrap between YouTube’s comments and Chatroulette could be the most ‘depraved and utterly cretinous’ in history.

For years YouTube comments have held the honorary title of ‘Most retarded shit’ on the internet. Commentators on the site, whose usernames are usually followed by a series of random numbers, have been renowned for their cruelty, stupidity and crassness.

“YouTube comments are the special Olympics of the internet”, said Lance iPad III, web guru with TechnoCrunch.

“It’s like they assembled all the kids who sit at the back of the bus licking windows, gave them a keyboard and said ‘Go!’.”

“Quite honestly the stuff you read on there is beyond reprehensible. Until now nobody thought things could get any worse. Then along came Chatroulette”.

The new site connects users via their webcams where they can enjoy a video or text chat. However, users have quickly ensured that Chatroulette is a place not so much NSFW as Not Safe For Life.

Chatroulette

Statistics show that for every one ‘normal’ chat you are connected to, there are seven in which you will be greeted with an image of somebody’s genitals, anus, breasts or another diseased area of a person’s body.

“Nobody expected anything quite like it”, continued iPad III.

“It was thought that YouTube comments would remain the web’s cultural sinkhole forever. Things are going to get ugly”.

And already the war of words has started. “OMFG!! Ur gay!!!”, said YouTube user clertin85665.

He was backed up by jonny7566456a who said “Fuckin’ jews on chatroulette shud be put in concertation clumps” and margo8756 who advised Chatroulette users that “I hope ur dad rapes u and u get pragnent and ur baby is a lizard who ates ur cunt. ROLFCOPETER!!!!!!”.

Mark_impish on Chatroulette responded by appearing on screen with his semi-erect, spunk glistening penis in his hand while Jimbo18Dallas held up a picture of Blue Waffle photoshopped onto Goatse’s red bit.

As Tim Berners-Lee holds his head in his hands and once again moans out loud “What have I done? What in the name of Jesus have I done?”, we can only hope that the ongoing warfare between these sites does not claim too many innocent victims.

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