Friday 5 March 2010

MPs urged to join Unison to fight meagre £1000 pay rise


MPs were today urged to join Unison after learning that a year in which they stole, lied, and performed with world-class incompetence has led to a meagre pay rise of just £1,000.

The move has seen much wailing and gnashing of teeth at Westminster, with many MPs feeling they should write a strongly worded letter to someone in power, someone who represents them and supposedly has their best interests at heart.

One MP who wished to remain anonymous told us, “First they came for our expense accounts, and now they’re coming for our pay rises?  Where will the madness end?”

“I long for the days when we paid ourselves whatever we liked, expensed whatever we liked, and did pretty much whatever we liked.  Yes, I yearn for the halcyon days of 2007.”

“But who do I go to now? I must admit that Unison is sounding more and more attractive.  Would they strike for us?  I’m sure they would, wouldn’t they?”

Sympathy

Not all workers have felt the tear-inducing sympathy that MPs had expected, with Dave Jones, 34, of Bracknell particularly unimpressed.

“A grand you say?  How exactly did they work that one out?”

“If I led my employer in to the red, whilst simultaneously stealing from them, then lied about it, but got caught, and then insisted I only did it because the company had fostered a culture of thieving and lying about things like this, then I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have got a thousand pound pay rise.”

“So, how do I get myself one of these parliament gigs anyway?”

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