Friday 5 March 2010

Met Office to stop pretending it has any clue what the weather will be like next month


The Met Office is to stop publishing seasonal forecasts, after it came in for significant criticism for its practise of plucking long range predictions from a large tombola labelled ‘entirely plausible sounding types of weather’.

It was berated for not foreseeing that the UK would enjoy a record snowman-making winter, or remain pasty white for the last three summers in its long range seasonal forecasts.

One critic explained, “It’s simple psychology – under promise, and over deliver.  We’re British, we’re used to shit weather, so we’d have believed them if they’d just exaggerated everything downwards.”

“If they’d said we’d be getting 20 feet of snow and early-onset ice-age, we’d all have been delighted at how mild we’ve had it.”

“If they’d told us it would piss down constantly for three months over the summer, we’d have been ecstatic with the two and a half days of sunshine that we got.

“But no, they had to keep doing exactly what the tombola ‘random weather’ drum said, and now that cushy little number is no more.  I hope they’re happy.”

Trial

A met Office spokesperson explained they were disappointed, but had done everything in their power to try and get a forecast right, just once.

“We tried going down the fortune teller route, but explaining to the Government that this summer would be quite warm, or quite cold, or somewher ein between, wasn’t seen as definitive enough.”

“I don’t see why though, it’s good enough for the gullible idiots at the carnival.”

“So we finally decided to call it a day after the last forecast we pulled from the drum said locusts would fall from the sky and all the rivers would turn to blood.  With hindsight, I think it’s possible someone put a couple of pages from the Bible in there as a joke.”

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