Thursday 4 March 2010

Sugababes urged to resolve name dispute like women, in the ring


Following a legal move by former member Mutya Buena to claim the name ‘Sugababes’, past and present members of the Sugababes pop trio have been encouraged to settle their differences in a no-holds-barred televised tag-team wrestling bout.

In a legal move akin to ‘It’s my ball and I’m taking it home with me’, Mutya Buena claims she owns the rights to the band name, because she was the last of the original members to leave.

One music industry expert explained, “The Sugababes are a bit like musical chickens.  You might think you’ve cut their heads off, but they will continue to run around making terrible records for years and years afterwards.”

“The only way to really kill it, is stab it through the heart with a wooden stake, or get a legal injunction to stop it using the name ‘Sugababes’ any more.”

Court

However, legions of red-blooded males have said suggested we shouldn’t be wasting the courts time with such trivial matters, when alternative methods of dispute resolution are so readily available on most pay-per-view channels.

One male fan said, “Yes, the legal system in this country is steeped in tradition, and is the envy of everyone in the civilised world.  But it’s just not very arousing, is it?”

“So why not let them resolve the issue like most British women, in a drunken cat fight?”

“Mutya looks like she’d happily stab you in the face for a KitKat, so she’d have to go up against the scouse one, obviously – but then it’s all about tag team strategy.”

“I’m thinking bright lights, tight tops, and a few gallons of warm oil – I think everyone would agree that it’s the best way to end a dispute over something that nobody gives a rat’s toss about.

Shane Meadows, 28 agreed, “I’d happily pay to see the match-up between Sugababes past and present, too right!”

“It would be excellent value, and I really, really like the one who used to be in S Club Juniors.  Wait, what?  That’s The Saturdays?  Oh. Then they can happily kill each other on BBCC 3 for free.”

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