Monday 1 March 2010

France surrenders to advancing storm front


France has unconditionally surrendered to an area of atmospheric high pressure and declared a national disaster after it battered parts of the country leaving a trail of destruction in its wake.

Prime Minister Francois Fillon said that surrendering to the Atlantic storm, named Xynthia, was a last resort, but would allow damaged communities rebuild.

“The storm hasn’t actually asked us to surrender, but we’re pretty sure that’s what it wants.  If history has shown us anything, it’s that surrender in the face of adversity is the first stage in our recovery.”

“We would recommend that our citizens do whatever Xynthia wants in order to prevent further necessary collateral damage.”

Surrender

French President Nicolas Sarkozy is said to be leading by example after falling to his knees with his hands over his head after an aide wafted a door too vicorously.

“Yes, it wasn’t the actual storm, and just a tiny little a breeze caused by a quickly closed door, but the principle remains the same – let us surrender and look to rebuild at a later date,” concluded Sarkozy.

The French authorities have been criticised for their approach to the weather based disaster, but advocates have explained they have taken the only course of action available to them.

“Look, if the first page of every emergency contingency plan you’ve ever written is centred around various methods of surrender, you can’t blame the authorities if a few unnecessary surrenders take place by mistake.”

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