February 2010

Banking crisis continues as Barclays barely scrape an £11bn profit

Thumbnail image for Banking crisis continues as Barclays barely scrape an £11bn profit

Banking giant Barclays has become yet another victim of the banking crisis after seeing its full-year profits increase by just 92% to £11.6bn in 2009.

Read the full article →

Teenage skanks not actually as up for it as we’d hoped, claim Tories

Thumbnail image for Teenage skanks not actually as up for it as we’d hoped, claim Tories

The Conservative Party has apologised to its excited members after figures showed that the pregnancy rate among teenage skanks in the country’s most deprived areas is 5.4%, not the 54% previously claimed.

Read the full article →

Scientists discover new energy source by harnessing Neil Warnock’s righteous indignation

Thumbnail image for Scientists discover new energy source by harnessing Neil Warnock’s righteous indignation

Scientists last night hailed a major breakthrough in the search for unlimited clean energy after an experiment to harness the energy emitted by Crystal Palace manager Neil Warnock’s righteous indignation.

Read the full article →

Church of England to recall thousands of vicars

Thumbnail image for Church of England to recall thousands of vicars

The Church of England is recalling at least four thousand of vicars over concerns of faulty baptisms performed by those men of God released since June 2005.

Read the full article →

Real Madrid to offer record £85 million for Man Utd striker ‘Own Goal’

Thumbnail image for Real Madrid to offer record £85 million for Man Utd striker ‘Own Goal’

Real Madrid have today risked the wrath of Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson by planning an audacious world record bid for prolific Manchester United striker “Own Goal”.

Read the full article →

All footballers given time off to protect partners from John Terry

Thumbnail image for All footballers given time off to protect partners from John Terry

The nation’s footballers have been given this weekend off so they can spend every waking moment protecting their loved ones, after it was announced that Chelsea captain John Terry is taking a ‘few days off’ from his own footballing duties.

Read the full article →

Greece forced into sale of star names to pay spiralling debts

Thumbnail image for Greece forced into sale of star names to pay spiralling debts

Ailing European country Greece has agreed to the transfer of some of it most saleable star names in order to make a dent in its huge ¢3bn national debt.

Read the full article →

Government to seek out more reliable secret torture locations

Thumbnail image for Government to seek out more reliable secret torture locations

The foreign secretary has lost an Appeal Court bid to stop the disclosure of secret information relating to the torture of a UK resident, forcing an expansion of the search for torture locations hidden by a sufficient level of secrecy.

Read the full article →

Church accuses BBC over lack of programmes about their fictional characters

Thumbnail image for Church accuses BBC over lack of programmes about their fictional characters

The Church of England’s general synod is to discuss a claim by some of its members that the BBC has reduced broadcasting about completely made up and entirely fictional characters.

Read the full article →

Police commit to countrywide improvements in ‘track covering’

Thumbnail image for Police commit to countrywide improvements in ‘track covering’

Metropolitan Police Commander Ali Dizaei has been sentenced to four years for assaulting and falsely arrest, prompting a countrywide review of the way our police forces are covering their tracks.

Read the full article →

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →