Tuesday 23 February 2010

Anger as adult app removal makes masturbating to an iPhone more difficult


iPhone application developers have expressed anger at Apple’s decision to ban some adult-themed applications from its iPhone, as it prevents their customers from masturbating with the freedom previously offered by the hand-held device.

Thousands of apps with adult-themed content, such as pictures of boobs and bums and stuff, have been removed from the store since Friday although some, such as one from Playboy, remain.

Apple spokesperson explained that the reason the Playboy application remained was because from a large company with ‘lots of money and that.  Plus they have some quite talented lawyers.”

One keen masturbator explained that the removal of these applications has ruined his commute, saying, “The beauty of the iPhone was that I could take a new set of delicious wobbling jubblies with me everywhere I went.  But not now.  I might as well have a Samsung thinymajig.”

He continued, “This is supposed to be the mobile era – people don’t have to be stuck in front of the laptop in order to enjoy some self love.”

“Thanks to the iPhone and app store, instant titillation had become truly mobile.”

“Unfortunately this backwards step means we are stuck in the mastubatory black hole that was 2005.”

Expert

Mobile industry experts have explained that the move is likely to be a deliberate step in disassociating Apple from men with what appear to be permanent erections.

One analyst explained, “If you see a man playing with an iPhone, who happens to have an erection, then you can’t help but correlate the two.”

“Before long the sight of a man with an erection will lead people think ‘iPhone user’, which won’t help the stock price.”

An unhappy iPhone user told us, “It’s almost like Apple don’t care about how I want to use their phone, and are trying to force me to use it as a productivity device.”

“Well let me assure you Mr Jobs, my iPhone will never be used to improve my productivity.  Two thousand app store games will see to that.”

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