Monday 15 February 2010

Teenage skanks not actually as up for it as we’d hoped, claim Tories


The Conservative Party has apologised to its excited members after figures showed that the pregnancy rate among teenage skanks in the country’s most deprived areas is 5.4%, not the 54% previously claimed.

A dossier, published on Sunday, quoted the 54% figure accusing the Government of failing the poorest in the nation, whilst also providing a handy guide to B&Bs in the most poverty stricken areas.

The news has shocked many party activists who this morning had meticulously planned weekends away in Bracknell, Slough, and that bit of Manchester where they film ‘Shameless’.

A Conservative spokesperson said, “We apologise unreservedly for any distress this may have caused our members, particularly those who fancied their chances in places where more than half the teenage girls would happily put out for a bag of Maltesers.”

Error

“This was a genuine error on our part, misplacing a decimal point in our hurry to print out the bit everyone really wanted to see, the list of the top ten most ‘up for it’ areas in the country.”

“We would like to point out however, that one in twenty is still a significantly higher teenage pregnancy rate than in most areas, so please think twice before cancelling your B&B reservations.”

“There might not be as many as we originally thought, but there are still more than enough to ensure any determined part members can enjoy themselves on a night out.”

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