Friday 29 January 2010

Afghans to take back responsibility for shooting Afghans ‘this year’


Afghan forces could take back responsibility for shooting people in some its provinces by the end of 2010, delegates at a key summit about the country have said.

A statement at the end of the one-day meeting in London said that within five years, every single Afghan shot in Afghanistan will be by the hand of a fellow Afghan, rather than a British or US soldier.

Foreign Secretary David Milliband said, “It is an important step in our exit strategy that the responsibility for shooting misbehaving Afghans should return to the Afghan security services.”

“We will be there to offer support, and assorted weaponry, should it be needed.  After all, we now have significant experience in shooting Afghans.”

“Today is a sign of the growing strength in our relationship Afghanistan, in that we are happy for them to begin shooting their own.”

Bribes

Also announced after the summit was a plan to win over lover level Taliban fighters with promises of cash from a $140m pot supplied by supportive governments.

However, many Afghans are set to claim a previous allegiance to the Taliban in the hope of securing some free money from the gullible Westerners.

Farshad, an Afghan farmer told us, “Was I in the Taliban?  Of course not.  But if I tell them I was, but that I am now reformed, they will buy me an Xbox 360.”

“Hamid down the road told them he was going to be a suicide bomber, and they bought him a Ford Fiesta to convince him otherwise.”

“These bribes will work brilliantly, right up until the point when the actual Taliban threaten to kill everyone I know unless I join them.”

“So, you know, until then I’m all yours.”

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