Tuesday 26 January 2010

Jeremy Kyle to berate record numbers of unemployed Americans


After US unemployment figures finally became large enough to justify investing in a US version of the show, British daytime TV hit The Jeremy Kyle Show is heading stateside this summer.

The UK version has long been a favourite among the sofa-bound jobless in the UK, with many feeling better about their own disappointing lives after watching a seemingly endless succession of deranged freaks paraded before them in the name of entertainment.

But with the US unemployment rate now at 10%, and with over 15 million people out of work, it is felt that conditions are perfect for a Jeremy Kyle assault on the withering American sense of decency.

Kyle told reporters, “I am particularly looking forward to meeting lots of clinically insane American people, and hearing about their batshit crazy lives before shouting at them really, really loudly.”

“Anyone who has ever seen a Fox News report knows that the US has an almost limitless supply of imbeciles willing to proclaim their mental disability on national television, and we’re obviously hoping to tap into that.”

Accusations

Kyle was asked to respond to criticism that he has merely taken a format made popular by people like Jerry Springer, and is now just taking it back to where it originated.

“Absolutely not,” said Kyle.

“We’ve taken an established American television format, yes, but we’ve worked hard to remove any last vestiges of respectability, it’s now a very different animal to the one that left America all those year ago.”

“We’re different because nobody on television works harder at getting on the right side with a guest, before flipping, like a bi-polar sufferer off his meds, and launching into a tirade of abuse at the overweight, mentally deficient freak before them.”

“It makes excellent television when I get really quiet and close to them, almost whispering, before screaming at them and blowing spittle all over their disgusting fat faces.”

“You know as well as I do that America will absolutely love me.”

One distraught UK viewer said, “Hang on, what about me? A weekly episode of Britain’s Got Talent is nowhere near enough for me to get a proper fix of publicity hungry morons!”

“I can’t believe we’re sending one of our most talented broadcasters over there.  I just hope that the millions of Americans who see the show don’t think all English television presenters are as good as Jeremy, because most of them are actually quite crap.”

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