Friday 22 January 2010

Crime drops by 8% as recession leaves people with nothing worth stealing


Crime in England and Wales fell 8% in the third quarter of 2009 compared with the year before, thanks to the recession leaving everyone’s possessions significantly less attractive to criminals, the Home Office says.

Ministers say the British Crime Survey’s separate study reveals that the risk of being a victim of crime falls in direct correlation to your attractiveness to criminals.

A spokesperson said, “What we have seen is that as people have less things worth stealing, criminals are less inclined to steal those things.”

“Like everyone else, criminals like nice things, and if you don’t have them, they can’t take them from you.”

“The criminal element in society obviously represent the unseen victims of this recession.”

Failed

A member of the Association of Burlgary technicians told us, “It’s been tough, you know?”

“Gone are the halcyon days of early 2007 when you could pick just about any house and find DVD players and laptops, maybe even some car keys and then flog them in the pub without a problem.”

“Now you’re lucky to find a house with a TV that’s less than four years old.  It’s rubbish.”

“And when you get to the pub no-ones got any money to buy anything from you.”

“It’s got so bad that sometimes I can’t be bothered to go out stealing and stay in to watch Eastenders.”

“It really is a terrible state of affairs, and yet another way in which the Labour Government has failed us criminals.”

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