Friday 15 January 2010

Football world stunned by how little Redknapp hid from tax man


Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry Redknapp has been charged with £40,000 worth of tax evasion, leaving the football world stunned by how little cash he has actually hidden over the years.

After completing an investigation which began several years ago, the Crown Prosecution told us, “The CPS Revenue and Customs Division decided there was little chance of finding the millions we assumed he had hidden.”

“The office sweepstake had an average prediction of two million in used notes hidden all over his house.”

“Yes, we know, £40,000 is a bit pathetic, isn’t it.”

Disappointed

The news of Redknapp’s charge has been met with disappointment among fans of his current club Tottenham Hotspur.

Spurs supporter spokesperson Simon Goldberg said, “We’re all little bit disappointed to be honest.  Harry has got a reputation as a wheeler dealer, yet in all those years, and with all those millions that had passed through him, he only avoided £40k in tax?”

“I mean, have you checked in all of his mattresses? Behind all his paintings? In his garden shed?”

“Finding Harry guilty of £40k tax evasions is a bit like finding out Warren Beaty spent his entire adult life living and working in the playboy mansion but that the best he ever did was to get a hand job from one of the cleaners.”

“Worst of all, I suppose this means he really did think David Bentley was worth £15m?”

Liverpool

Tottenham are playing trouble hit club Liverpool this weekend with the Liverpool board this morning describing manager Benitez’s job as ‘safe’.

A club statement read, “The manager’s job at Liverpool here is safe.”

“You know, safe, sick, phat or whatever words the kids use today to describe something really, really good.  Why?  Are you interested?”

Liverpool fans have pleaded with the manager to continue playing top scorer Fernando Torres, despite knee surgery this week.

“Seriously, on one leg and with crutches, Torres still offers significantly more of a goal threat than David Ngog.”

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