Wednesday 13 January 2010

Bingo wings and muffin tops still definitely unhealthy, insist doctors


News that certain types of fat on women have been shown to improve overall health has forced medical experts to explain that flabby jowls, muffin tops and darts-player guts are still unhealthy, and most importantly, hideously unattractive.

Research has shown that extra fat across the hips and on the bum, can protect against heart and metabolic problems, whilst having fat pour out over the top of your jeans can stop you ever having a boyfriend.

“It was not our aim to confuse female members of the public,” said Lead researcher Dr Konstantinos Manolopoulos, of Oxford University.

“It’s shape that matters most, and the easiest way to describe it is, ‘Jennifer Lopez good, Bella Emberg bad’ – does that help?”

Thankful

Men everywhere have expressed gratitude for the detailed explanation, after many women had taken ‘fat equals good’ to be their new lifestyle moto.

“I’m grateful for the clarification, definitely, as my missus read that story and immediately got that funny look in her eyes before grabbing her purse and heading straight to Greggs.”

“She came back an hour later with half a steak bake on her t-shirt proclaiming that she felt healthier already.”

“I tried explaining to her, looking like a pear is good, an apple not so good, and looking like a sack of either is truly disgusting.”

“But thankfully she’s now back to being miserable and hungry – but at least she’s moderately attractive, which is nice.”

D r Manolopoulos went on to say, “The rise in online bingo sites such as www.dreambingo.co.uk have dramatically decreased the only exercise a lot of these people get, like walking to the bingo halls.”

“That’s as much to blame for the sharp rise in muffin tops and bingo wings as anything.”

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