Tuesday 5 January 2010

Bono urges world to follow China model for making him richer


Bono, frontman of rock band U2, has encouraged the film industry to mimic China and not to make the same mistakes with file-sharing that have prevented him becoming even more wealthy than he already is.

Writing for the New York Times, Bono claimed that only the Chinese model of Internet monitoring and suppression will allow him to amass an even greater fortune than the one he currently enjoys.

Bono wrote, “It doesn’t matter how many millions you have in your pocket when you know someone is also making money thanks to your efforts.”

“It’s human nature to want all of those millions to yourself, and I do, believe me.  It keeps me awake at night.”

“As I sit writing the next U2 album, I want it to pay for a dog coat made from flawless diamonds, a house on the moon and a solid platinum toilet for my caravan.  But file sharers are stopping that becoming a reality.”

“The Chinese don’t suffer from this kind of technology exploitation, and China is full of billionaire rock stars.  I’ll bet.”

Robin Hood

Bono labelled Internet service providers as “reverse Robin Hoods” in taking millions in lost profits from the music industry, but not wearing tights or passing those profits onto the poor.

Bono continued, “I suppose you could argue that by enabling file sharing they are giving the poor the equivalent amount of money that a U2 album costs.  Right, scrap the Robin Hood analogy, I haven’t thought this through.”

“The Internet Service Providers are like thieves targeting particularly bloated marks who have become fat on years of money making on the back of Joe Public, yes, that’s much better.”

One music industry observer commented, “I’m sure Bono’s article will have the desired effect.”

“If there’s one thing Americans really like, it’s being told to act more like millions of communists.”

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