Tuesday 29 December 2009

China reinforces reputation for not fucking about


China has executed drug-smuggling Briton Akmal Shaikh, reinforcing its international reputation as a country not to fuck about with, in any way, shape or form.

The execution came despite political heavyweight Gordon Brown wading into controversy and condemning China’s plans in his strongest possible terms, “we condemn China’s actions in the strongest possible terms” said Brown.

Many have pointed out that smuggling drugs into a country that kills people who smuggle drugs into the country, is at best ill-advised.

An Asian criminal lawyer told us, “We try to make clear to our clients that if you’re going to commit a crime, don’t do it in a place where they’ll kill you for it.”

“Try and find a country that punishes drug dealers by putting you up for a couple of years in a nice comfortable room with a television, in fact somewhere like the UK would be perfect.”

“In that case, if you succeed with your smuggling, you win, but if you get caught you are put up in a luxury room, so you win again.”

Reputation

China has long held a reputation for employing barbaric punishments for those who break the law within its borders, with tax fraud now also punishable by death.

A Chinese spokesperson told us, “Do you know how many of our bankers spend time looking for tax loopholes?  None.”

“So you Brits can say what you like about our methods, but our bankers are considerably less despicable than your own.”

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