Friday 18 December 2009

South-east weather conversations predicted to get even worse


Weather conversations

Conversations with strangers about the weather are expected to become even more tedious thanks to heavy snow fall in the south-east over the last 24 hours.

“What about this weather, eh?” has long been the staple fall-back question for awkward silences among strangers forced together for short periods of time.

However, recent heavy snowfall has ensured the subsequent conversations will be considerably more involved and significantly less interesting than normally expected at this time of year.

Forecasters are predicting the standard of conversation to get worse over the weekend, peaking on Sunday at levels of tear-inducing banality not seen since November last year.

Severe

Reports suggest that standard responses to weather conversations such as, “It is a bit cold isn’t it,” or “I hope it gets better by the weekend,” are being replaced by lengthy diatribes about the effect a bit of frozen rain has had on the lives.

One London commuter told us, “I mentioned the snow to one guy on the train this morning and he spent fifteen minutes regaling me of the seemingly Herculean efforts he had made to get into work.”

“Honestly, it was so dull I considered self-harming just to make the pain in my ears go away.”

“If you can’t respond with a couple of well-worn weather-based platitudes, then I’m not interested in talking to you.”

Stories of one-upmanship among commuters has filtered through with work based weather conversations showing rapidly escalating levels of tedium.

“I went for a coffee and I overheard three people arguing over who had struggled the most to get into work that morning.”

“One had to dig himself out of his house, one had walked two miles in the snow, I’m not sure about the third one, I zoned out by that point – I only came to when Sally from accounts shook me awake half an hour later.”

Weather commentators have explained the phenomenon of excruciatingly dull snow conversations, saying, “Unlike the Eskimos, we only have one word for snow, and that’s because it’s fucking boring.”

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