Tuesday 15 December 2009

British Airways strike to expose travellers to rubbish Xmas TV


British Airways cabin crew have voted overwhelmingly in favour of strike action over the Christmas period ensuring thousands of holiday makers will now be forced to spend Christmas watching the Queen’s speech and old James Bond movies.

The strike action comes in response to British Airways plan to cut 1,200 jobs in a move designed to try and stay in business in the face of extreme price competition from the likes of Ryanair and EasyJet.

British Airways CEO Willi Walsh told us, “It’s clear that what modern travellers want is lower prices and completely rubbish service.”

“And the only way for us to compete in the poor service stakes is to cut the number of people serving you on each flight.”

“These job cuts will mean we can compete on a level playing field with the masters of tear-inducing frustration in air travel, Ryanair.”

Television

The strikes mean that thousands of travellers who had planned to leave these dismal shores behind for the holiday period, will now be forced to stay and experience a traditional British Christmas instead of sipping cocktails on a beach somewhere.

One holiday maker, 35 year-old Duncan Jones, told us, “I had some sympathy for the striking workers, at first.”

“But then I realised I will now be watching Only Fools and Horses for the 12th time whilst eating overcooked sprouts in a badly-fitting jumper knitted by a deranged old woman who’s not only chronically flatulent, but also thinks I’m still 11 years old.”

“All instead of eating a Turkey sandwich surrounded by bikini-clad babes on Miami beach.”

“So right now, yes, I could literally rip an entire British Airways cabin crew limb from limb.”

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