Monday 14 December 2009

Ryan Giggs asked to demonstrate his alleged ‘personality’


An investigation was launched last night after Ryan Giggs won Sports Personality of the Year despite his inability to offer any proof whatsoever of having a discernible personality of his own.

Giggs won the award ahead of Formula One playboy Jenson Button and definitely-too-hot-for-athletics Jessica Ennis.

However, after stuttering his way through an acceptance speech containing several mundane platitudes, judges have asked Giggs to provide evidence of his alleged personality.

One judge told us, “Our award criteria is quite simple, first you must achieve something significant in your chosen sport, and yes, Giggs qualifies on this count.”

“But second of all he must complete a three minute conversation without reverting to a single footballing cliché, something we have yet to see or hear in all his years in the sport.”

“This a conversation in which he can’t mention the ‘gaffer’, ‘110%’ or ‘at the end of the day’ – and there is growing concern he is incapable of such a conversation.”

Personality

Giggs’ supporters have been quick defend their hero, claiming that by Mancunian standards, Giggs is a veritable Oscar Wilde.

“He told this joke last year that was so funny, it still makes me laugh now. Yes, I know he was reading it from his phone, and it took him three goes to get it right, but he got there in the end.”

“You have to remember that here in Manchester, we think of David Beckham in the same way the rest of the country thinks of Stephen Fry.”

“And Giggs is right up there with Beckham when it comes to wit and repartee.”

Despite the investigation now under way, Gordon Brown is said to be delighted that the country’s voters seem capable of selecting a man without a discernible personality and in the face of much better qualified people.

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