Thursday 3 December 2009

Nike Golf launches the Tiger Woods Transgressor XDi


Tiger Woods’ sponsor, Nike Golf, has launched the all new Transgressor XDi Driver to capitalise on Woods’ new found reputation for being significantly more interesting than everyone originally thought.

The new club features a graphite shaft, titanium face, and a small notebook for taking the number of any top heavy lovelies within a mile of the golf course.

A Nike spokesperson told us, “Let us be clear, we support Tiger Woods 100%, and as part of that support we’d like to sell you this new golf club that will get you lots of hot women, just like Tiger.”

“Every golfer in the world has had that moment of wondering if hitting a ball in the middle of a remote field is all there is to life, well the Transgressor XDi gives you that little bit extra.”

“Not only will it allow you to hit the ball further than ever before, but it will help you find local cheap hotels to which you can take a succession of trashy waitresses that are more than willing to do that thing your wife refuses to do ever since your tried it that one time on your birthday.”

“The notebook comes pre-filled with at least 5 numbers of women Tiger Woods has confirmed definitely put out, and all are vetted by Nike as being at least an 8 on the filthy-meter.”

Reviews

Early reviews of the new Transgressor XDi are promising, with customers delighted with its performance.

“It’s amazing,” said terrible amateur golfer David Warne.

“Hitting the ball straight has never really been a problem, but finding local trollops to bump uglies with is now so easy thanks to the Nike Transgressor XDi.”

“Telling women I play golf has never had such an exciting response – it makes me seem dangerous, as if I have a motorbike or something.”

“Thanks to Tiger and the Transgressor XDi, golf is no longer a sport filled with men desperate to get away from home for significant parts of the weekend, but one of highly sexed athletes and little black books bursting to the brim with local tarts.”

Nike are not the only sponsor looking to benefit from Woods’ new reputation as ‘actually a human being after all’.

Gillette are set to launch the Tiger Woods Mach 25, a razor that will leave you so smooth it will let talk your way into the panties of every waitress you meet.

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