Wednesday 2 December 2009

Iran to form all new ‘Axis of Stubborn’


Having demonstrated new levels of sheer bloody mindedness over the British sailors who accidentally dipped a toe in their waters, Iranian officials today announced plans to form the all new Axis of Stubborn.

Iran took pride of place in George W Bush’s Axis of Evil in 2002, but is keen to lessen its chances of being blown off the face of the earth whilst maintaining its reputation as a pain in the arse the entire western world.

Forming the Axis of Stubborn is seen as the perfect compromise by President Ahmadinejad and the religious nutjobs who tell him what to do.

“We see the Axis of Stubborn as being the perfect triumvirate for those who wish to reject global authority whilst doing just enough to avoid a full blown invasion.” said Ahmadinejad.

“Take these sailors for example.  We had no intention of executing them – I mean we’d have liked to, the crowds in Tehran go crazy for that shit.”

“But I know full well there’d be a Cruise missile with my name on it leaving a ship in the Gulf within minutes if we did.   At least since Obama came in there’s a chance my name would be spelt correct, I suppose.”

“No, it is much better to simply ignore Western pleas for their release whilst we celebrate Eid and pretend we have lots of more important things to do.”

“We looked at it after the holiday and just as soon as we’d run out of more imaginary important things.”

Places

The other two spots in the Axis of Stubborn are still up for grabs and bookies favourites, France, are said to have formally expressed an interest.

The odds on Scotland joining have been drastically cut overnight after hearing that the stubbornness would, in most cases, be directed entirely at English people.

British psychologists have advocated a new approach when dealing with a stubborn Iranian regime.

“We should have treated them like a stubborn child, using a bit of reverse psychology to tell them we didn’t really want the sailors back.”

“They’d have got bored of them and left them by the side of the road within days without all this palaver.”

“In fact, we should do the same in negotiations about their nuclear programme.”

“We should say ‘Yeah, we’re not doing the nuclear thing any more, we’ve found something even more awesomely destructive.’ I’m sure that would stop their nuclear enrichment programme in its tracks.”

“We realise this might be seen as a risky strategy, but it’s worked with stubborn toddlers for millions of years and the principle here is exactly the same.”

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