Monday 23 November 2009

Katie Price finally starting to get the message


Model and celebrity vagina Katie Price has walked out of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! after less than a week on the ITV show and may be finally realising that everybody in the UK despises her.

Viewers of the programme, which is set in the Australian jungle, have voted repeatedly for the extremely unpopular contestant to put things in her mouth significantly more disgusting than the genitals of C list celebrities.

“It’s been difficult,” said Price on leaving the jungle.

“I’m no stranger to sucking on things most normal people might find repulsive, but this is just too much.”

“I don’t understand it.  Everyone loves me, yet the voting machine has made me undertake every task since I came into the jungle.”

“Either I’m not as popular as I thought, or Peter Andre has hired a group of nerdy hackers to corrupt the voting system.   Yes, that’s obviously it!”

“You bastard Andre!”

Telephone Bill

With the vast majority of right-minded UK television viewers now taking their phones off redial, phone bills everywhere will return to pre “Jordan in the Jungle” level.

“It’s been fun, watching that trollop squirm around in shite for my amusement,” said one viewer.

“If I were a Bond villain I’d have her kidnapped and this would be on my own personal entertainment channel 24 hours a day.”

ITV have lauded her appearance on the show as a complete success.

“Nothing motivates people to pick up the phone and vote more than trying to get someone they really despise bitten by a snake,” said a channel spokesperson.

“So from that point of view, this has been the best series yet.”

Price’s new book – “My week in the jungle failing to get a new husband” – will no doubt be out for Christmas.


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