Thursday 12 November 2009

I’m a celebrity men tell Katie Price ‘We’re all definitely gay’


Katie Price’s alter ego Jordan is making her way to a second appearance on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, prompting every male contestant to say they are “definitely, definitely gay” in the hope of avoiding the clutches of Jordan’s cavernous vagina.

The next series is due to begin shortly, and Mum of the Year nominee Price is hoping that leaving her kids on the other side of the world for a month in order to trick a new celebrity into marrying her, will endear her to the UK public.

The news of her participation in the jungle has spread fear throughout the male contestants, including legendary playboy George Hamilton.

“Of course of I’ve heard of her, that vagina’s predatory instincts are legendary.” said Hamilton, 70.

“Plus, each of the male contestants has received an emergency ‘Jordan Survival Guide’ from Peter Andre – he said it’s too late for him, but he’s doing what he can to save the rest of the men on the planet.”

Reputation

Hamilton is willing to sacrifice a hard earned reputation in order to survive a month in the vicinity of Jordan’s man-eating genitals.

“I’ve spent 50 years romancing some of the most beautiful women in the world, you could even say I have something of a reputation in that area.”

“But if it will keep Jordan’s vagina from engulfing me whole, then I’d like to go on record and say I am a raging homosexual.”

“Honestly, I am as queer as the day is long.  My entire career has been a sham because I love cock and cock alone.”

“You’ll definitely make sure she sees this, won’t you?”

Lesbian

Former page-3 model Sam Fox has spent the last decade living as a lesbian, but is going straight for the next month.

“If there is only a 1% chance her vagina could take a shine to me, then it’s 1% too much.  I love men again, absolutely definitely.”

The producers of the show told us that the contestants were being over-sensitive, “I think they’re overdoing it.”

“They will be well briefed on the vagina, and warned not to look at it directly, or feed it after dark.”

“They won’t have to go near it until the fourth bush-tucker trial when they will have four hours to find the stars we’ve hidden inside it.”

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