October 2009

Nick Griffin lied, we are totally violent, insist the Ku Klux Klan

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The Ku Klux Klan last night issued a vociferous rebuttal to BNP leader Nick Griffin’s Question Time accusation that they are an ‘almost entirely non-violent’ organisation.

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Beckham to perform sexually for wives of 2018 World Cup panel

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The Football Association has come under fire after offering the sexual services of David Beckham to the wives of all 25 members of FIFA’s 2018 World Cup committee.

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BNP supporters to overcome fear of ‘speaking picture box’

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As BNP leader Nick Griffin prepares for his appearance on tonight’s Question Time, hundreds of BNP supporters are trying to overcome their irrational fear of ‘that speaking box of moving pictures in the corner of the room’ which can be used to see it. Despite numerous protests, Griffin is expected to take his place on [...]

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Microsoft unveils new way for computers to make you weep

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The latest version of Microsoft’s flagship product, Windows 7, is released today introducing millions of PC users to unprecedented levels of tear-inducing frustration.

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I kept them all alive didn’t I, says Mum-of-the-Year nominee Jordan

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Katie Price has been nominated for Celebrity Mum of the Year after successfully keeping all of her children alive for the duration of 2009.

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Top Afghan forgers to compete in election ‘run off’

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Afghanistan’s top forgery experts will engage in an election ‘run off’ to determine which religious lunatic will run the country for the next five years.

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Criminals use new website to search for lucrative new territory

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An interactive online map allowing criminals to find areas across England and Wales which are untouched by petty crime has been launched today.

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BNP to distance itself from extremist British military

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The BNP today announced plans to distance itself from the British Army after claiming its policy of chasing foreigners around their own countries was going ‘a bit too far’.

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This year’s Christmas cards to be lost by temporary workers

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The Royal Mail has announced plans to hire 30,000 temporary workers who will be responsible for losing your Christmas cards during this coming festive season.

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Sunderland’s Darren Bent dropped for failing to pot the red

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Sunderland boss Steve Bruce has angrily dropped star striker Darren Bent for the foreseeable future – after the burly frontman missed “probably the easiest pot he’ll have all season” in Saturday’s dramatic encounter with 18-times Snooker Champions Liverpool.

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