Thursday 29 October 2009

Tim Henman admits past use of Buttercup Syrup


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Following Andre Agassi’s admission of his past use of Crystal Meth, Britain’s Tim Henman has admitted that during his playing days he once used Buttercup syrup.

Henman, speaking ahead of the launch of something or other, said he’d felt guilty to this day for the moment of weakness which saw him take the syrup.

“I was at a party, and it was just there, in the hosts hand, being offered to me for the cold I’d been suffering from,” said Henman.

“They insisted everyone was doing it, and that I’d feel better afterwards. I couldn’t stop myself succumbing to the peer pressure.”

“I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I couldn’t help myself and I eagerly gulped down two teaspoons full.”

Owning up

Henman admitted that although his cold symptoms had been temporarily relieved, he felt the need to admit his crime to the Lawn Tennis Association.

“The LTA were very good about it, and kept insisting I hadn’t done anything wrong and I should shut up about it because Buttercup syrup wasn’t on any sort of banned substances list,” continued Henman.

“But I knew they were covering up for me, and the guilt is something that has kept me awake at night till this day.”

“Lucy said the only way she’d be able to get some bloody sleep is for me to come clean, so here I am, apologising to the fans hoping they’ll forgive my indiscretion.”

“Still, I can’t help wondering if I hadn’t abused my body that night, what more could I have achieved in the game?”

“Just say no kids, just say no.”

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