Wednesday 28 October 2009

AA Gill now wondering what a killing spree might feel like


AA Gill last night confessed to wondering what it might be like to go on a ‘bit of a rampaging killing spree’ after developing the taste for blood whilst shooting a baboon on Safari in Tanzania.

The restaurant critic said he was curious as to how it would feel to take the life of a human being and whether it too, would help him sell more books.

“I am not a monster,” said Gill in his defence.

“But I would hope that setting up a sniper hole on a council estate and picking off one or two unemployed reprobates might give me a sense of what it might be like to kill an actual celebrity.”

“Of course, that means I would then probably have to kill a minor celebrity, like Dean Gaffney, in order to get a sense of what it might be like to kill a politician.”

“Then I’d almost certainly have to kill Alistair Darling in order to get a sense of what it must be like to kill a member of the Royal Family.”

“You’d read that article, wouldn’t you?”

Acceptable

Gill’s employers, The Sunday Times, have come to his defence in the face of huge criticism by people who have yet to taste to the warm tang of the blood from a fresh kill.

“We do not blame Gill at all,” said Sunday Times Editor Jon Witherow.

“We actively encourage our journalists and columnists to experience new things and then write about them in our paper.”

“And I’m sure there are many of our readers that wonder what it must be like to be shot in the chest by a man who has spent ten minutes criticising your hollandaise sauce – we’re looking for volunteers by the way.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to read Jeremy Clarkson’s new piece on how to successfully murder a prostitute.”

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