Tuesday 27 October 2009

Women encouraged to marry old and stupid men


Research has shown that men should marry women at least five years younger, and not quite as stupid as themselves to ensure a less than miserable home life.

The news has come as a relief to old and stupid men everywhere who had believed conventional wisdom and assumed their dating options were limited.

However, most women currently looking for a marriage partner have taken the news with slightly less enthusiasm.

“Is this what I’ve been doing wrong all these years?” said 35 year-old Sophie Jones.

“I’d been looking for a successful doctor, or maybe a lawyer, but I really needed a dustman in his forties?  Really?”

“I suppose if science says it’s so, then it must be true.”

Rules

The Bath University team who gathered the results has been quick to point out that normal social rules still apply after their findings were misinterpreted by some.

“I left school with no qualifications, and I’m 37 now.” said Dave Smith.

“So I spent the day propositioning all the girls getting their GCSE results.”

“Yes, I might be on the sex offenders register as a result, but at least I now have the backing of scientists when I take my case to appeal.”

The findings have also given hope to those previously considered terminally undate-worthy.

Reg Brown told us, “I’m thick as pig shit and the wrong side of fifty, so this is the best news I’ve had since The Sun did its 1op issues.  I don’t suppose you’ve got Carol Voderman’s number have you?”

The young boffins at the centre of the research were unavailable for comment as they have yet to leave their laboratory since realising they had completely eliminated their own dating options for the foreseeable future.

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