Tuesday 27 October 2009

Dining out increasingly popular among gluttonous bastards


The growth of all-you-can-eat restaurants has seen a sharp increase in the number of disgustingly obese people who are willing to waddle their way to a public dining table.

Taybarns restaurant chain have reported record growth of their ‘all-you-can-eat for £5.99’ business model highlighting the rising popularity of eating until you vomit out of your nose.

One extremely fat individual told us, “Normally, the only thing wrong with eating out at restaurants is the portions.  They’re simply not enough.”

“That and the fact that everyone looks at you funny as you knock people out of the way trying to squeeze between the tables.”

Self-esteem

Taybarn’s have been quick to respond to criticism they are fuelling the obesity crisis by pointing out they are helping improve the self-esteem of their customers.

Our fat interviewee continued, “Now I can eat as much as I like, and I get no funny looks as everyone else in there is as disgusting as me.”

“In fact, now we all stop and stare when a thin person comes in, I mean, they’re just throwing money away, right?”

“I’m really not surprised at Taybarns success, as the only thing better than a plate of suet pudding, is two plates of suet pudding, but even that’s not as good as three plates of suet pudding.  You see where this is going, right?”

“The only downside is walking to the buffet table.  If someone were to introduce a waitress service there’s a strong possibility I’d never leave.”

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