The Ku Klux Klan last night issued a vociferous rebuttal to BNP leader Nick Griffin’s Question Time accusation that they are an ‘almost entirely non-violent’ organisation.
The accusation came during Griffin’s stirring speech in support of the Lake District’s tourist guides who are in danger of losing their jobs due to unchecked immigration.
“We would like to take this opportunity to distance ourselves from Mr Griffin – who is clearly a lunatic, we are an entirely racist and violent organisation, and he does not speak for us.”
“We have spent hundreds of years forging a reputation that engenders fear at the mere sight of a pillow case with some eyes cut out, and that was almost completely ruined by Griffin in one minute of almost-live television.”
“Now that black people think some of us are almost entirely non-violent, they are less likely to be intimidated by us.”
“Do you know how hard it is to conduct a serious lynching when the victim thinks they’re being ‘punked’? It’s no fun at all.”
Griffin’s performance was hailed as a success by mental health charity advocate Shelly Jones, “For someone with so many obvious learning difficulties, I thought he did extremely well.”
“We should be grateful he didn’t start throwing his own faecal matter at the audience.”
Retired Cumbrian tour guide Reg Davies, 66, was pleased to see issues close to his heart raised on national television.
“Everyone should leave him alone, he used a national forum in front of millions to draw attention to the plight of myself and my three former colleagues, good on ‘im.”
This morning also saw a large increase in white people seeking partners from different ethnic backgrounds after it was pointed out that Nick Griffin was a prime example of what happens when a pure bloodline is offered little or no genetic diversity.
“So Nick Griffin is the most acceptable face that the BNP could put in front of us? He’s their poster boy? Jesus.” insisted Sharon Doogan, 28.
“I don’t want my kids to be boggle-eyed jowly retards with a speech impediment. It’s time to swim in a different genetic pool I think – I’ll never have sex with a white man again.”