Wednesday 30 September 2009

Labour to lose support of 3m breast fetishists


The Sun newspaper has withdrawn its support for the Labour party, changing the way that literally millions of idiots will vote in May next year.

The move is seen as the first in a series activities designed by the paper to make the Labour party appear as anti-tit.

Sun Editor Dominic Mohan told us, “We gave Labour one last chance, but it was over the second Gordon Brown finished giving his ‘please forget all the crap I have caused’ speech yesterday”

“It was telling how he completely failed to populate the stage with a series of top heavy beauties.  He clearly doesn’t want our support.”

“That was the last straw. We can forgive economic incompetence, borderline illegal invasions, and even him being half blind Scottish fuckwit, but indifference to the nation’s hard-working semi-naked glamour models is completely unacceptable.”

“So we are throwing our weight behind the Conservatives who have promised us a term in office brim full of soft porn and skimpy lingerie.  In private they have called themselves the Bongo party.”

Delighted

A Conservative spokesperson spoke of their delight at the move, “We have always been pro-mammary, and this move simply reinforces our position as the party of choice for those with a nipple fixation.”

“We promise that under a Conservative government boobs will be bigger, bouncier, and more prevalent than ever before.”

Labour have immediately gone on the offensive, with David Milliband assuring the nations mammary appreciators, “In the Labour party we love boobs,”

“Gordon has always been a tit man, and my brother Ed literally enters a trance when anything bigger than 34C walks past.”

“We need people to remember just how good the tits have been in the last 12 years of Labour Government, our track record speaks for itself.”

The Sun’s entire readership is expected to make it’s final decision when Keeley, 21 from Dewsbury, makes her choice in Thursday’s edition whilst dressed as a topless nurse.

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