Friday 25 September 2009

Lily Allen quits music, James Blunt strongly urged to follow suit


Music fans the world over last night urged James Blunt to follow the lead set by Lily Allen to stop making records, insisting they will play along if he wants to call it an ‘anti-copyright theft protest’.

Allen’s ‘retirement’ from the music industry comes after her admission that she could no longer profit from recording music due to the proliferation of file sharing on the Internet.

“Illegal file sharers are literally stealing the vintage champagne from my mouth, it’s sickening.” said Allen.

“Every time someone downloads one of my songs it makes the choice of non-vintage champagne a more likely possibility, or that I’ll have to downgrade one of my many holidays to a four-star hotel.”

“It is getting embarrassing.  I mean, you wouldn’t steal a car, would you?  Well, you might if you could download one I suppose, but that’s not the point.”

Concern

“I feel her pain,” said 23 year old receptionist Sharon Jones.

“I almost quit being a receptionist earlier this year after I realised it doesn’t pay enough to holiday in Barbados twice a year, or to join the Groucho club.”

“But then I realised that my Dad’s not famous and BBC3 aren’t about to give me a series on the back of absolutely nothing at all, so I decided I should keep on answering phones.”

Bright Side

However, having seen Allen leave the music business, music lovers have been quick to suggest fellow anti-piracy campaigner James Blunt follows suit.

“He’s always said he’s against file sharing, and this is a perfect opportunity for him to stop, you know, everything.” said one.

“Call it a protest, call it solidarity with Lily, call it a break for every human being with fully-functional ears, we don’t mind.  Just stop.  Please.”

“And whilst we’re on the subject, maybe Dido and Damien Rice would be interested in joining in him?”

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