Friday 18 September 2009

Rubbish doctors to get much, much longer holidays


Health Secretary Andy Burnham has announced plans to scrap GP catchment areas in England within a year, allowing poor performing doctors more time to do very little indeed.

Ministers want to introduce more choice into the family doctor system, allowing you to visit a more competent doctor who happens to practise miles from where you live.

The move is intended to allow patients to stop seeing that creepy old guy who looks at you funny and insists on cupping your balls whenever you go in with a sore throat.

Choice

Burnham told reporters, “This is about better choice for patients.  The choice to avoid the really really terrible doctors.”

“You never know, this might even make one or two Doctors be a bit nicer?”

When asked about the new scheme one particularly unpleasant doctor told us, “This is great news.”

“I’ve been looking for ways to spend more time at my allotment, and it seems years of being dismissive and condescending to my patients is finally going to pay off.”

However, not all doctors are keen on the new scheme, “Hang on, I’m a great doctor, and I’m already really busy.”

“Do I have to start molesting female patients, or killing old people to make sure I get home at a reasonable hour?  I’ll do it you know.”

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