Wednesday 16 September 2009

TV’s James Martin sorry for leaving cycling witnesses


TV chef James Martin has apologised to car enthusiasts for leaving viable witnesses after forcing a group of cyclists into a hedge as he test drove a sports car.

Martin is said to have caused “sheer terror” amongst the cyclists as he herded them into the hedge whilst speeding in his latest wankmobile.

However, he has today apologised for the incident, claiming he was sorry for “allowing any of them to identify me.”

“I should have realised, forcing them into a hedge isn’t sufficient.  I should have driven right over each one of them.”

“An unconscious and possibly brain-dead cyclist can’t sue me.”

Learn

The TV chef and presenter of BBC One’s Saturday Kitchen has said he has learned from this incident and will not make the same mistake again.

“I will reverse and make sure next time.”

“‘Treat them like a small car’ my arse.  When was the last time you saw a small car weaving indiscriminately between stationary traffic?”

“And when was the last time a small car driver stuck his leg out of his window and kicked your car door because you didn’t leave him enough room to jump ahead of you, eh?”

The cyclists were unavailable for comment due to pictures of vast sums of money being waved at them by their lawyers.

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