Friday 4 September 2009

Surprise as cost-cutting NHS consultants propose to cut costs


The government says it has rejected advice from the cost cutting management consultants it hired after they made recommendations to actually cut NHS costs over the next five years.

After spending several months analysing the £20bn cost-cutting requirements outlined in its brief, McKinsey and Company finally recommended cutting costs to the amount of £20bn by 2014.

However, the Government has rejected the proposed solution because, “everybody will hate us even more”.

McKinsey & Co have been quick to respond to critics that suggest they have spent millions of tax payers money on simply telling the NHS what the NHS had previously told them, but with lots and lots of pretty power-point slides.

Options

“We offered the NHS many options to generate the 10% savings we were briefed to provide.” said the lead McKinsey & Co consultant.

“Firstly, we recommended lining up all the sick people and shooting every tenth person.”

“That’s not as brutal as you might think – our research showed actual killings would be needed only a couple of times, as most people would quickly realise that they not actually that sick after all.”

“But the Government said no, and we went back to Plan B – cutting jobs.”

“We recommended lining up all the staff in the NHS, and then handing every tenth person a P45.”

“We’d have to mix them up a bit first, obviously, otherwise we might accidentally get rid of a larger proportion of pointless bureaucratic paper-pushers – and they pay our bills.”

The Government is said to be looking for logistics consultants to define the complexity in lining up every sick person in the nation.


There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: