Friday 14 August 2009

Female fighters should wrestle in oily paddling pools only, say Olympic fans


The International Olympic Committee has approved women’s boxing for the London 2012 Olympics, despite calls to include female wrestling in paddling pools full of transparent lubricant, instead.

The decision to recognise women’s boxing at Olympic level has been seen as a victory for feminists across the globe, but also as a massive blow to fans of ridiculously hot women grappling in slippery thongs.

“This is fantastic news for all manly women with previously untapped violent streaks,” said women’s boxing promoter Waynetta Hearn.

“Anyone who has been out in Slough on a Saturday night will know we have some of the roughest, bone-crunchingly menacing women on the planet, so we have extremely high medal hopes.”

Ugly

Despite the promise of a significant medal haul, most spectators are far from keen to watch two fifteen stone lesbians trying to give each other brain damage.

One fan we spoke to said, “Most of them are just a pair of prosthetic testicles from passing themselves off as men anyway, so why not let them box with the blokes?”

“Look, I’m not being sexist, but women who want to fight shouldn’t throw punches.”

“They should claw at each others hair and try to rip off each others bikini in a small, but well-greased, inflatable paddling pool.”

“I imagine it will be almost impossible to achieve an erection during one these so-called boxing fights.”

Support

Long time fans of bikini wrestling have been quick to press its claims as an enthralling spectator experience.

“There aren’t many official venues, but Dave the landlord at the Dog and Duck had a bikini wrestling event last weekend, and the place was absolutely rammed.”

“Sometimes it can difficult to decide which of the lithe, buxom blond girls you’re going to support.”

“Generally it’s the really hot one, so a bit of Olympic patriotism would help you choose. Unless the other one was extremely hot.”

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