Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp is to start charging retards for on-line access to appalling content across all of its websites.
The media giant is looking for new ways of extracting revenue from the pockets of the Internet’s simpletons after announcing big losses across the group.
The company lost $3.4bn (£2bn) in the year to the end of June, which has led to the plan to charge real cash money to look at pictures of boobs on the Internet.
“What we’re selling is not ‘adult content’ at all,” said Murdoch.
“The girls in The Sun give their views on current affairs, and you don’t get that on proper adult sites.”
“If you want to know what Hayley (32F-24-36), 18, from Ipswich thinks about Bill Clinton’s visit to North Korea, she’ll tell you.”
“It’s the content people visit our sites for. The compete lack of underwear is purely incidental.”
In order to stop readers from moving to the huge number of free news websites, Mr Murdoch said News Corp would simply ensure its content had “better journalistic value, alongside the best tits and ass on the Internet”.
However, some Sun readers have suggested this might not be enough.
“When I read the Sun I can at least pretend I’m looking at the news items, if I have to.” said Shane Malloy, 28, of Brentford.
“But if I’m at home and on the Internet, there’s no need for such pretence. I can go right ahead and look at as much monkey sex as I like.”
“There’s no way I’m not going to pay money to look at the Sun on-line.
“If I really wanted some current affairs whilst making some baby gravy, then I’d much rather look at a decent free adult site and put Radio 4 on in the background.”
“He must think I’m stupid. Stupiding. No, stupider. Is that a word?”