Thursday 6 August 2009

Clinton negotiates US prisoner release with seduction lessons for Kim Jong-Il


Former US President Bill Clinton has left North Korea with the two US reporters whose release he negotiated by giving Kim Jong-Il a days training in the art of seduction.

Bill Clinton has flown out of North Korea accompanied by Laura Ling and Euna Lee, the two American journalists pardoned last night by Kim Jong Il after requesting lessons from the former US President’s on how to get poontang in Pyongyang.

The Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) said in a statement, “General Secretary Kim Jong-Il today met with Bill Clinton, who was interested to hear tales of the Dear Leader’s experience with over 250,000 women.  All of whom he brought to orgasm.  At least three times.”

“As a sign of friendship with Bill Clinton, our Dear Leader granted pardons to two US journalists.  This in no way had anything to do with any tips Clinton may have given to our Dear Leader.  It was the other way round.

“Clinton learned a great deal from the Dear Leaders exceptional sexual prowess.”

Denial

The US have been quick to state that Mr Clinton’s visit was in now endorsed by the Obama administration.

A White House statement read, “The United States would like to make clear that Bill Clinton’s recent visit to North Korea was in no way an official diplomatic mission.”

“As such, any sexual techniques Mr Clinton may, or may not have taught the Korean leader, are in no way sanctioned by the US Government.  Particularly those involving Cuban cigars.”

Kim Jong-Il is said to have tried his knew skills by calling former US Secretaty of State Madeleine Albright, before saying, “How YOU doin’?”

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