Tuesday 28 July 2009

Gerrard to begin pro-actively tackling players intent on ‘possession’


Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard is to begin pro-actively tackling his opponents during matches where he genuinely feels they might soon have possession of a football.

The move, in which he will scythe down players wandering the pitch minding their own business, would traditionally warrant an instant dismissal.

However, Gerrard has made clear to footballing authorities that he will violently tackle opposition players only when he genuinely believes they would soon be somewhere near a football.

“We understand that this might be seen by some as simple violent thuggery,” said an FA Spokesperson.

“But we have been given assurances that these tackles will only take place when Mr Gerrard genuinely believes a football is about to be involved.”

“As such, we have no option but to declare his actions as perfectly legal.”

Concerns

With concerns over how the new rule for Steven Gerrard will affect football at large, the FA have been quick to calm supporters of teams other than Liverpool.

“Let us be clear, we are not advocating the senseless violent attack of opposition players,” continued the FA Spokesperson.

“Bone-crunching two-footed assaults will only be tolerated when Mr Gerrard can convince twelve other Liverpool supporters that his actions prevented his team conceding a goal, losing possession, or if the opposition player was looking a ‘bit tidy’.”

Mr Gerrard is expected to debut his new tackling technique in the first minute of the league opener against Tottenham.

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