Thursday 9 July 2009 By Jeff Flynn

One-eyed Man to sue ‘discriminatory’ filmmaker Cameron


Within days of revealing footage from his hotly anticipated film, ‘Avatar’, Oscar-winning techno-boffin, James Cameron, has fallen foul of a law suit brought against him by low-rent ambulance chasers, Claims Direct.

The company, whose cheery monophonic jingle has annoyed generations of TV viewers, have presented a case on behalf of Andrew Sykes, a one-eyed man from Dudley, who claims that Cameron’s tireless support of 3D has discriminated against him.

“For years, mono-ocular people like myself have enjoyed a fruitful relationship with cinema and, despite minor ‘blips’ on the 3D radar, like that space thing with Michael Jackson in it, we really haven’t been missing out much.”

“But now that beardy twat has decided to make things in 3D that might actually be good.  It just isn’t on.”

Jaws

Sykes, who lost his left eye after a ‘cheese hedgehog’ prank went tragically wrong in 1984, continues, “I got to see Jaws-3D when that came out, but that was shit.”

“The 3D was blurry and only succeeded in giving everyone a blinding headache.  No great loss there.”

“But now he’s devised a way to produce crystal clear and vibrant 3D, in full colour and without the headache, the fucknut”

He goes on, “If I were a black woman sacked for her skin colour or a quadriplegic fired for dribbling, would I not be entitled to compensation?  Of course I would.”

“And not being able to see 3D is almost exactly the same thing.  I demand my day in court.  Unless it’s a Tuesday, as Bargain Hunt is on.”

Cameron, who developed the new 3D process for a ship-worrying documentary about the Titanic, downplayed the case at a recent comic expo in Amsterdam.  “If these half-blind c**t’s want to bring it on, bring it on!”

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