Wednesday 8 July 2009

Artist gives platform to nation’s boring lunatics


Antony Gormley’s Plinth art project in London’s Trafalgar Square, which will have someone stand on the fourth plinth every hour for 100 days, has begun with unparalleled mind-numbing tedium.

Mr Gormley, who also designed the Angel of the North sculpture in Gateshead, said the project was “about people coming together to do thoroughly mundane activities about 20 feet higher than they would normally do them”.

Though it is in its very early stages, the public have been quick to offer their opinions on the ‘piece’.

“A bit like a David Blaine stunt, only really dull,” said Dave James of Leytonstone

“Which I suppose makes it exactly like a David Blaine stunt.  But at least he gave the faint hope that he might die doing it to keep you interested.”

“Perhaps they could liven things up by having someone play hide and seek up there with a starving Leopard?”

Early Performances

Early performers have included a morris dancer, an evangelist and a woman engaging in speed-topiary, ensuring the public will easily confuse the exercise with an extended version of Britain’s Got Retards.

“All that’s missing is a panel of three pseudo-celebrities to criticise each subject’s abject performance,” continued Mr James.

However, the project has been hailed as a genuine success by everyone who was unsuccessful in their attempts to get into the Big Brother house, with significant media exposure guaranteed for the most photogenic, or least boring participants.

“There is a reason they didn’t get on Big Brother, Britain’s Got Retards or that other one,” continued Mr James.

“They’re all extremely dull.  Watching them for an hour brought me to the verge of self-harm just so I could feel something.”

“I’ve been sat here for two days waiting for the fireworks to begin, and frankly it’s been piss poor.”

“It’s more entertaining to watch people in the bread aisle at Asda, and trust me, I do that often enough.” he concluded.

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