Tuesday 7 July 2009

A couple of thousand nukes each is probably enough, say US and Russia


US President Barack Obama and Russian President Dmitry Medvedev have reached an outline agreement to cut back their nations’ stockpiles of nuclear weapons from the current ‘enough to destroy each other ten times over’ levels.

The “joint understanding” – the least enforceable of any legal document it is possible to create – was signed in Moscow and will see reductions of deployed nuclear warheads to below 1,700 each within seven years of a new treaty.

“This is excellent news,” said Russian President Medvedev.

“When you’ve turned Washington into a post-apocalyptic nuclear wasteland, there is really no fun in doing it again and again.  So we’re happy to reduce our missile numbers to more manageable levels.”

“By getting rid of a few hundred nukes we can take a few of the smaller US cities off our hit-list.  Which is good news for Milford City, Connecticut.”

Good news

The news has also been welcomed state-side by both disarmament protesters and the military alike.

A US military spokesperson said, “We had so many missiles that we didn’t know what to do with them.”

“So we had planned to blow big holes in the Russian countryside – absolutely miles from anywhere – just because we could.”

“So it’s good that with our reduced missile numbers we can now limit our nuclear targeting efforts to any Russian town with more than 500 people.”

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