Monday 29 June 2009

Blue considering which band member must die to boost album sales


Boy band Blue are this week to determine which of them will die in order to revitalise their flagging pop careers after seeing Michael Jackson posthumously reach the number one spot in the pop charts.

The band, who had a string of hits in the early 2000’s such as All Rise and that other one, are keen to see what impact an unexpected death could have on their sales figures.

With Michael Jackson’s run to the top of the charts proving that the public believe nothing honours a dead pop star like throwing money at him, Blue are keen to cash in.

“Michael Jackson’s never been so popular, so if people can forget his dubious child-tampering activities, then maybe the buying public will forget that Blue were a bunch of hard-partying nobodies.” said a Blue spokesperson.

Decision time

As discussions moved to which of them should die for the benefit of those left behind, and early favourite emerged.

“Lee Ryan is hardly the sharpest tool in the box, so we could probably convince him it was a good idea, given fifteen minutes and a tube of smarties.”

“We first thought the little chubby one, Antony Costa, would be the best bet – but then we realised isn’t likely to garner much sympathy among the female fan base, so he should definitely stay alive, for now at least.”

“Duncan insists that as he has done some acting now, and has therefore got other areas for income, he shouldn’t be the one to volunteer.”

“But I do have keys to his house, so we could pop over there and make look like an accident?”

The problem with picking Simon Webbe is that it’s likely to make people think we’re racist, which we’re not.”

“Murdering a band member for profit is a decision made entirely independant of the colour of their skin.”

“Maybe it would be better all round if we just killed them all?” he concluded.

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